I cried last night

I have been thinking a lot about the friends I used to have and I am grateful for those who have allowed me to keep them although distance and time have kept us a part.  Friends mean the world to me.  Each friend is someone special that I treasure and appreciate how they have shaped me to who I am.  I appreciate that they allowed me to be a part of their lives even if it was only for a short time.  I realized that I have let some get away and that is tragic.  I cried last night just thinking about them and missing them and wishing that we could be as close as we once were.  Now when I see them or look at their profiles I see how their lives have gone on and wonder if I even matter to them anymore.  I know that may sound pathetic. But it is like unrequited love. Every one of them still matters to me, every one of them is still so important to me.  I know that despite efforts I have an have not made they would have slipped away because I ceased to be relevant or necessary in their lives.  I suppose I am just needy, but it is a neediness I don't want to change. I love that I love people so much, but I wish I didn't feel like I needed to feel their love so much in return.

I let the tears fall last night, but dried them by remembering those friends I still have that love me despite the distance. I know that these friends still reciprocate the concern and approbation that I feel towards them. We don't need to talk very often to know that when we see each other again we will still be close.  I know that those friends are there for me when I need them. I am so grateful for them.

After the loss of one friend when I was younger, I promised to myself I would never let it happen again. But you see it is not only my choice and I don't always have the time to make it happen...I just wish there were more hours to everyday. I wish I could teleport places.....things would be awesome if I could teleport places.  But as it is now, I will continue to appreciate the memories I have of them and I will continue to be their cheerleader even if they are no longer really there for me. Friends are just that important and that is the kind of friend I always want to be. It is something that I have control over.